im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
