It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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