Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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