I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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