Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
