Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
