I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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