i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
