You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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