I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
