there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
