im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
