apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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