I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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