Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
