I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my phone needs a breathalizer
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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