I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
