I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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