Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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