remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My feet surprised me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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