That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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