I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
