Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
