he thought i was a dude.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
