dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
