so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
