i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
