i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
