I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
