that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
farters have to be the big spoon...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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