you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
