Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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