i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
