I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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