I puked a lego.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize