i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
