so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize