How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
