he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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