Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
