In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
