Please, let me fuck your mom
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
