I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
