Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
