Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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