Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
