At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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