It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
