i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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