My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
