fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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