I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
