when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
