I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
