The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
