butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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