No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
