the condom got lost in my hair
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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