So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
