based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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