From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hippo gnu deer
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
