We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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