After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
