I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
