we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
