No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
