$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
