did you get engaged???
I will die if light touches me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
