I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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