im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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