The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
