Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
