her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
