you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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