.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
