I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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