she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
