I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
