he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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