but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
