So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
