There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
