Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize