I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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